


Bad at Love

by saintgenevieve



Series: Satellite Call [2]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: But it seems that way, F/M, Keith being adorable and struggling with his feelings, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Pining, There will be kissing but probably not sex, and i've changed my mind, badly written but sex nonetheless, everyone should listen to Allura, i don't know yet, i just really like making characters say fuck, there will probably be sex, there's lots of swearing though, what is it with me and pining?
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-28
Updated: 2017-11-30
Packaged: 2019-02-08 02:01:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,842
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12854349
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saintgenevieve/pseuds/saintgenevieve
Summary: Lance is literally his right-hand man; he always knows what to say to help Keith—how to push him in the right direction. The fiery rage that had burst up when Shiro vanished into thin air cooled when Lance bumped his shoulder into Keith’s. However, the conflagration of Keith’s crush—he’s not in love with Lance fucking McClain, he’s not, he’s not, he’s not—only flares up brighter and hotter with every smile sent his way.Or, alternatively, Keith is really bad at feelings.





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He’s basically a hurricane in a human skin, a wildfire confined to flesh and caged by bone. Dangerous as hell and unlucky, too. He’s genuinely surprised he’s managed to make it to 18, that he’s only broken a wrist (and no other bones), that he’s only had, like, three serious near-death experiences. He needs to invest in a good-luck charm or something, honestly.

Keith isn’t going to lie, he’s a fucking disaster. Like, seriously. He’s basically a hurricane in a human skin, a wildfire confined to flesh and caged by bone. Dangerous as hell and unlucky, too. He’s genuinely surprised he’s managed to make it to 18, that he’s only broken a wrist (and no other bones), that he’s only had, like, three serious near-death experiences. He needs to invest in a good-luck charm or something, honestly.

Keeping this in mind, it’s not hard to believe that he would have a crush on literally the most oblivious moron in the fucking universe. Seriously, he’s been so obvious! How can Lance (the aforementioned oblivious moron) not know? Keith is at his wits end with Lance, with his wide, blue eyes and his bright smile and his long, long legs.

Only Shiro knows—Keith didn’t tell him, he guessed—and is endlessly amused by Keith’s antics. Keith whines to the older man about his unrequited crush in-between bouts of sparring, during which they attempt to beat each other into the smooth floor of the training deck. And Shiro, predictably, chuckles a little and advises patience. _Things will work themselves out_ , he says again and again.

 _Easy for you to say_ , Keith snarls back, deigning not to mention the very large hickey blooming just beneath Shiro’s jaw.

And so it goes. Keith pining, Lance oblivious, and the rest of the castle’s inhabitants ceaselessly entertained.

 

“You okay, Mullet?” Lance’s voice is a welcome sound and Keith—half-dead with exhaustion—wants to throw himself at him, bury his face in Lance’s neck, and hold him for at least an hour without letting go, and let the rest of the universe and its infinite problems melt away in the face of Lance’s warmth and infectious joy.

Keith restrains himself. “Fine,” he sighs, running his hands through the hair in question and making it stick up with help from a mixture of static electricity, sweat, and lack of good shampoo (Alteans apparently didn’t have need of it…or Allura and Coran hoarded all the good stuff).

Lance snorts. “Uh-huh.”

“I’m just tired.”

“I can tell. The bruises beneath your eyes tell me everything I need to know.” The taller boy sits down and puts his arm around Keith. He’s taken off his breast-plate and gauntlets; he draws Keith’s head down toward his shoulder. It’s an oddly intimate action and Keith’s cheeks flush.

“Lance—”

“Just take a nap on me, dude. My siblings did it all the time, so I’m used to being a human pillow. I’ll cradle you in my arms,” he says jokingly.

The battle had been long and hard, and leaning against Red on this alien world as Shiro and Allura make nice with the locals, Keith can’t find a reason not to melt into Lance and sleep for a while. “You do remember, then?”

Lance hums noncommittally. “I neither admit nor deny anything. But I’ll say this: we do make a good team. We’re all-right.” His tone belays a stupid pun.

Keith groans accommodatingly and closes his eyes. He breathes deep, taking in Lance’s orange-and-ocean smell, and relaxes into unconsciousness.

_I hate how much I like you. And I wish you would just fucking like me back._

 

They don’t talk about it. Lance goes back to provoking him and pretending they’re rivals. He’s kind of an asshole, but Keith wants him anyway. They bicker as usual, goad each other into stupid things, and pretend they aren’t in the least bit fond of each other. But Shiro sends him knowing looks and Allura winks at him after he drives Lance to storm from the kitchen in a huff.

“Shiro told you?” Keith hisses, glaring at the princess.

She smirks. “Even if he hadn’t, it would be obvious.”

 _Yeah, and you and Shiro are super subtle._ “When did he tell you?”

“We were talking about team dynamics; I asked about human courting rituals and whether it was natural for humans to argue incessantly with the object of their affection. Shiro said no—that it was more of a “Keith thing” than a regular human thing.”

“Quiznak.”

Allura laughs. “Why don’t you tell him?”

“He hates me,” Keith says, shoulders drooping.

“If he truly hated you, then you wouldn’t be able to form Voltron. Whatever he feels for you, it isn’t loathing. I’d even say he’s fond of you,” Allura reasons, patting Keith’s shoulder in a move he knows she learned from Shiro. “You should ask him out on a date. That’s what humans do, right?”

“Yeah, that’s what humans do. But what if he says no and never talks to me again?”

“Some hazardous things are worth the risk, especially love. Love is the most perilous thing of all, Keith.”

 _Do you love Shiro? Do I love Lance?_ “I guess,” Keith says sullenly.

Allura pats his shoulder again. “I’ll tell you something Coran used to tell me when I was younger: don’t overthink simple things.”

“Easier said than done.”

Allura shrugs. “I never said it was easy. Most things worth doing are decidedly not.”

 

Red purrs around Keith, her mind nudging his and flooding him with affection. He sinks deeper into the pilot’s chair, breathing deeply and trying to put all the longing he feels for Lance into a little box he can pack away into the dark recesses of his brain. He’s not having any luck with it.

Keith has been called reckless, impetuous and impulsive and impossibly stubborn. And he’s not going to lie, he can be—is—all of those things. He’s driven primarily by passion and instinct—it’s part of the reason he flies so well. But he knows, mostly because Shiro has hammered it into his head in the few years they’ve known each other, that patience is a virtue. Sometimes acting too impulsively can have dire consequences.

For example: when Iverson announced that the Kerberos mission had failed due to pilot error, Keith had punched that motherfucker in the face. He still remembers the satisfying crunch of the man’s nose, the scarlet spray of blood and the iron smell that accompanied it, the vein that had been about to burst on his forehead. Keith had been expelled forthwith, dishonorably discharged, and retreated to the desert to mourn Shiro.

Takashi Shirogane had been his best friend since Keith was fourteen and had come to the Galaxy Garrison. Shiro had been assigned to be his mentor—to help him with both class and behavior, to keep him in line. It had worked out surprisingly well for them both and they’d become fast friends. No one had ever really taken care of him before Shiro—not even his dad—and he looked at the older boy as a big-brother-figure.

So, of course he’d attacked Iverson when he’d spun such an outrageous lie for the public and the press. Shiro’s an even better pilot than Keith, so he didn’t believe Iverson’s bullshit for a goddamn second. And in the desert, Keith had been pulled to the Blue Lion—as he is now pulled to its paladin.

 

It’s only after Shiro’s disappearance that Keith realizes something fundamental has changed between himself and Lance. He’s not quite sure what happened, what made Lance stop hating his guts, but he doesn’t want to look a gift horse in the mouth, so he just rolls with it. And it’s nice, after losing someone so close to him, that Lance isn’t being an asshole anymore. In fact, Keith would say they’re actually friends—hell must be freezing over.

Things are easier between them. Lance is literally his right-hand man; he always knows what to say to help Keith—how to push him in the right direction. The fiery rage that had burst up when Shiro vanished into thin air cools when Lance bumps his shoulder into Keith’s. However, the conflagration of Keith’s crush—he’s not in love with Lance fucking McClain, he’s not, he’s not, he’s not—only flares up brighter and hotter with every smile sent his way.

Keith wonders if this is how Shiro felt—feels—about Princess Allura. If it was as hard for him to work out his feelings. Keith remembers the early days of Voltron, when Shiro would stare at the princess like she hung the moon and placed all the stars in the sky, a sort of worshipful longing that made his best friend seem as young as he truly was. And then when Allura started smiling at him, sweet and secretive, like Shiro was the only person in the room, in the whole goddamn universe.

Keith knows Allura loves Shiro—even if he was blind and deaf, he’d know—and he knows how much she’s hurting. The first few weeks without the Black Paladin, she’d wandered around the castle like a ghost, silent and sorrowful, trying to bury her grief down where no one could find it. She’d gotten better slowly, and Keith knows that becoming a Paladin has helped her immensely. He knows Shiro would be proud of her—proud of all of them—for continuing to fight.

He wonders what he would be like if Lance disappeared. Losing Shiro was bad enough, but Keith’s lost him before and survived. But somehow, in the craziness of Voltron and the vast emptiness of space, Lance has become his favorite person. He thinks he might like Lance as much as he likes flying, maybe more. How the fuck did that happen? How the fuck does he make it stop? Does he even want to?

 

There’s someone knocking on his door.

“Yeah?”

It opens on Lance, his face grim, mouth twisted into a frown. Keith wonders if he could kiss it into a smile.

“Hey, man,” Lance says, walking in. “I just wanted to talk with you because…well, because I’ve been worrying about something.” He comes to a stop in front of Keith.

“Must really be bothering you if you’re coming to talk to me.” _If someone hurt you, I’ll kill them_ , Keith thinks irrationally, keeping a calm façade.

“Well, I mean, you’re the leader now, right?”

He shrugs. “I guess.”

“I’ve been doing some math. With Shiro back that makes six paladins. But there are only five Lions, and if I’m right, that’s one paladin too many.” Lance makes some overcomplicated gestures with his fingers as he speaks.  

“Solid math,” Keith says carefully.

Lance looks absolutely miserable. “Look, when Shiro takes over the Black Lion, you’re going to want your Red Lion back. If I get a Lion, that means I’d have to take Blue from Allura. But she’s progressed a lot faster than any of us did. She might even be able to unlock powers we don’t know of.”

“That’s true,” Keith admits.

“So, maybe the best thing I can do for the team is step aside.”

“What are you talking about?” _Don’t fucking quit, you idiot. We_ need _you._ I _need you._  

“This isn’t a participation game. This is war. And you want your best soldiers on the front lines.”

“Stop worrying about who flies what and just focus on your missions. Things will work themselves out,” Keith advises, wishing he could pull the other boy into his arms.

“Okay. Thanks.” He starts to leave, and Keith just can’t leave it like that.

“And Lance,” he says, calling him back. “Leave the math to Pidge.”

Lance smiles a little and something warm and gooey cracks open in Keith’s chest. _I’m not in love with Lance fucking McClain. I’m not, I’m not, I’m not. I can’t be in love with Lance._ But Keith knows he’s lying to himself.

He is so _fucked_.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! So this story kinda goes with my other fic in this series, Across the Universe. It's set in seasons two and three, and there will probably be more. I really enjoyed writing from Keith's perspective. He's an interesting character. Honestly, I was listening to the song "Bad at Love' by Halsy when I had this idea. So...you know. Anyway, I like comments and kudos--the gratification helps me write. Hope you guys are doing well and having a great day!


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Red’s energy floods Lance and he moves before he can tell himself how awful an idea this is, before he can talk himself out of it. “Keith, wait!”
> 
> Keith turns, his mouth opening to say something, but Lance doesn’t wait to hear it. Instead he moves forward, grabbing Keith’s hood with one hand and using the other to cup the back of Keith’s neck—fingers tangling into the ridiculously soft hair at the base of his skull—and reels him in. Lance kisses him.

Lance is a fucking moron. He can admit this to himself, occasionally, when he’s done something particularly stupid—like when he accidently flooded his room at the Garrison because he didn’t want to bother anyone or when he almost drowned when he was a kid and didn’t think he needed a life-jacket on his brother’s boat. But as Keith prepares to leave with the Blade of Marmora, Lance knows he’d be an even bigger idiot than he already is if he doesn’t do something about the feelings he’s been harboring for him.

So here Lance is, standing outside Keith’s room, trying to work up the courage to knock. He feels Red in his head, her purr a rumble of encouragement, her warmth coursing through his veins. It’s a similar feeling to that of when Keith grants him one of his rare, sweet smiles. Lance _wants_ to be brave, wants to confess, wants more than he can possibly say. But he’s nervous, too. God, he’s fucking terrified; he’s fought monsters and faced almost-certain death but he’s incapable of knocking.

And then the doors slide open and there’s Keith, in his Marmora suit, violet eyes wide with surprise at seeing Lance standing outside his door. “Lance?”

Lance’s cheeks heat. “Um…hey,” he says weakly.

“Are you okay? Is something wrong?”

“I’m fine, buddy.” He winces. Why is he such a mess? “I just wanted to say goodbye before you left.”

“Oh. Thanks.”

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Lance blurts out. “Because you can stay, you know. You don’t have to leave.” Desperation bleeds into his voice.

Keith’s shoulders slump. “I do, though. You know that, and you know why.” He raises his head and gives Lance a helpless shrug. “It’s just math.”

“We need you. _I_ need you.”

“No, you don’t.” He steps past Lance, his door hissing closed, something hopeless in the way he moves, the way he speaks. “Goodbye, Lance.”

Red’s energy floods Lance and he moves before he can tell himself how awful an idea this is, before he can talk himself out of it. “Keith, wait!”

Keith turns, his mouth opening to say something, but Lance doesn’t wait to hear it. Instead he moves forward, grabbing Keith’s hood with one hand and using the other to cup the back of Keith’s neck—fingers tangling into the ridiculously soft hair at the base of his skull—and reels him in. Lance kisses him.

For a moment, Keith doesn’t respond, and then he throws himself into it with all the heat Lance has been dreaming of. Keith slams him into the wall, mouth moving hard against his, devouring his. Keith’s hands find their way to Lance’s hips, and he presses a leg between Lance’s.

Lance groans and Keith swallows the sound greedily, before ripping his mouth away and leaving a trail of scorching kisses down from his mouth to his jaw to his neck. He bites Lance, hard, and the other boy cards his fingers through Keith’s hair. It feels unbelievably good. Everything feels good, good and hot and perfect.

“Keith,” Lance gasps out, body trembling. His heart is pounding hard against his ribs, like it wants to fly out of his chest just to be closer to Keith.

And it’s like someone flipped a switch, or doused them with cold water, because Keith tears himself away from Lance, cheeks red and eyes black. He shakes himself, staring at Lance like he’s sprouted another head.

“Keith,” Lance says again, this time soft and pleading, moving toward him with hands outstretched.

The boy in question goes from flustered and flushed to furious in the blink of an eye. He shoves Lance away, and he hits the wall again. “You motherfucker!” Keith snarls, rage twisting his features.

“Please—”

“No!” Keith is breathing hard, hands clenched into fists. “What the fuck was that?”

Lance doesn’t answer, just looks at him, pulse hammering in his throat. His lips are tingling. Red’s warmth has deserted him.

“Why would you do that? Why would you decide now’s the time to make a move? I’m leaving, I can’t stay, and now you finally decide to get a fucking clue? You absolute asshole!”

“I know, I know. I’m sorry,” Lance says.

“You’re sorry? You’d better be fucking sorry! This is the shittiest timing anyone has ever had. Ever.”

Lance looks at the floor. “This wasn’t how I wanted this to go.”

Keith barks out a harsh sound that might be a laugh. “Yeah, me neither.” Underneath all the anger, Lance can hear his sadness.  

“I’m sorry.” Lance dares to meet Keith’s burning eyes. “Really. I wanted to do this right, I swear. I care about you, Keith.” 

Keith runs frustrated fingers through his hair. “I have to go. They’re waiting for me.”

Lance swallows hard but doesn’t say anything else.

“Goodbye, Lance,” Keith growls, whirling away and storming down the hall, leaving Lance alone.

“Fucking quiznak,” Lance sighs, covering his face with his hands and sinks to the floor.

 

Three days later, Shiro finds him on the training deck, shooting robots like there’s no tomorrow. Lance has been on edge since the disastrous kiss and his catastrophic confession, and the only things that make him feel better are Red and shooting stuff. So…he splits his time between his Lion and the training deck. It hasn’t been a great few days.

“End training sequence,” Lance calls when Shiro enters.

“How long have you been here?” There’s clear disapproval on the Black Paladin’s face.

“Like three hours,” Lance guesses. “What’s up?”

“Keith called.”

Lance’s stomach drops. “Are you here to give me the shovel talk?”

Shiro raises an eyebrow. “Are you in need of a shovel talk?” he asks mildly. Before Lance can respond, Shiro sighs. “Keith’s pretty upset…got any idea why?”

“You know I do.”

“Wanna talk about it?”

“You know I don’t.”

Shiro chuckles. “Well then, how about I talk? You don’t have to say anything, just listen. Keith isn’t great at expressing his feelings—he usually just bottles them up tight and pushes everything down until he eventually explodes. It’s what he’s always done, or at least what he’s done in all the time I’ve known him. It took me a year to get him to open up about anything.”

“Seriously?” Lance can’t help but ask.

Shiro nods enthusiastically. “Oh, yeah. He was fourteen, fresh out of foster care, an orphan who’d lost his dad too young, a ward of the state pushed on the Galaxy Garrison because there was nowhere else for him to go. I was assigned to be his mentor, since he was a ‘problem student.’ But I convinced him to trust me eventually. Anyway, the point is, Keith may not seem like it, but he’s fragile. He’s been badly hurt, he’s horrible with his feelings, and the last time he liked someone, it didn’t end well.”

“Oh.”

Shiro put a hand on Lance’s shoulder. “I’m not trying to make you feel guilty, or anything, I’m just trying to help you make sense of Keith. He’s had a monster crush on you for months—believe me, I’ve heard him whine all about it—but he didn’t think you felt the same way. Hell, I didn’t think you felt the same way.”

“I told Allura,” Lance protests, “And she tells you everything.”

“Not that, apparently.”

“So what should I do?”

“You’re asking me?”

“Shiro,” Lance whines, “You’re the only responsible adult here!”

The man in question snorts. “I’m hardly a responsible adult. The week before the Kerberos mission, I ate nothing but fried rice, French fries, burgers, and microwave burritos.”

Lance says nothing, simply glares.

“Look, just give him some space, okay? Don’t try to call him. When he’s ready—and he will be eventually—Keith will come to you.”

 

Shiro is right, as he often is. Lance is sitting in Red’s cockpit, wearing Keith’s red jacket, his own thrown haphazardly on the floor. If he breathes deeply and concentrates, he can almost smell the other boy: wood-smoke and cinnamon and something else kinda spicy. Chili flakes, maybe? Either way, Lance likes the scent, and is especially grateful that Red smells so similarly to Keith.  

And then the dashboard beeps. Lance is getting a call. “Answer call,” he says hoarsely, butterflies erupting in his stomach.

Keith’s face and shoulders fill the monitor and Lance’s heart skips a beat. For a moment, no one speaks. All they do is look at each other, drink each other in, the pull between them palpable even across such a great distance.

“Hey,” Keith says hesitantly.

Lance longs to reach out and touch him. “Hey.”

“Um…you’re wearing my jacket…”

“Yeah. I was cold…and I missed you.”

Keith’s cheeks turn an adorable shade of pink and he blinks several times. “I miss you too, Lance,” he admits like he’s pulling teeth.

“So, before you say anything else, I need to tell you some stuff. Okay? Okay.” Lance steels himself and takes a deep breath. “I think I might be in love with you. I’ve liked you for a while, but I had that particular epiphany when we had our ‘bonding moment,’ but it freaked me out, so I pretended it didn’t happen. I pushed down my feelings, made my stomach acid dissolve the butterflies that started fluttering around whenever I saw you, because I didn’t know how to approach you. I tried flirty banter, but it flew over your head. I flirted with everyone but you to try and make you jealous—because I’m an idiot—but you never noticed.”

Lance pauses for a moment, trying to collect his thoughts. “And then, suddenly, you were leaving,” he continues, his eyes on Keith’s. “And I had this whole big speech planned out where I would confess my undying love and convince you to stay. But when I say you, all my plans flew out the window and I could barely form a coherent sentence. And when you started walking away, my instincts just went haywire.”

“It was Red, wasn’t it?”

“What?”

Keith sighs. “Red prompted you, didn’t she? She knows how I feel about you and probably got frustrated with how dumb we are and decided to give you a little push.”

“Yeah. I could feel her energy.” Lance scrubs a hand over his face. “How _do_ you feel about me? Because I’m really scared I ruined everything with the shitty kiss and I didn’t even ask before jumping you and I just don’t want to lose you and—”

“Lance, breathe,” Keith says, interrupting the flow of word-vomit.

Lance takes several deep breaths.

“The kiss was unexpected and surprising, but not shitty. Trust me.” He blushes. “I really care about you, like, more than I’ve ever cared about anybody in my life. I probably should have told you before, but I didn’t know how. I’m not great with words; action is more my speed. The point is: nothing’s ruined. I mean, I was angry at you for a while, but then I kinda realized I might have ended up doing something similar eventually.”

“Really?”

Keith nods. “Yeah. Really.”

Lance grins, his heart doing a tap dance in his chest. “Maybe when you get back to the Castle, we can go out on a date,” he suggests, trying to play it cool and failing miserably.

But Keith ducks his head shyly and returns his smile. “I’d really like that, Lance.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who wrote this chapter while procrastinating on writing an English paper. It's me! Anyway, I love these two emotionally-constipated idiots and love confessions are the absolute best.   
> This chapter is set in Season 4, featuring Lance and Keith as morons and Shiro as the ultimate Space Dad trying his very best.   
> Should I continue this storyline? I like it and I want to, but I just want to make sure other people like it too. Maybe next chapter will be an awkward first date...


End file.
